The First Time....

I can remember the day i met him....cold outside, rainy, the chill that day had everyone shaken up. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he would change my life forever. That he did.....Our first son, our first home, our first love. We shared every deep dark secret within months, I let things out that had been hidden in deep dark corner of my soul that I thought would never see light. He got it out of me. When I picked up his phone that day, my hands were shaking, as if my body knew what I was going to see. The lies, the dirty words written to a stranger. Who was she? Where was she at when you needed her? When you had a drug addiction so bad I feared for your life every night? Where was she at when you were incarcerated all of those times? When you cried at night from nightmares of a past that was catching up to you? Did she hold you close to her chest to make sure you were ok, to stop the trembling. Did she feel the pain and hurt pour out of your skin? Or was it just a fling, just for fun? Was she worth 6 years of love being pushed out of a skyscraper window? Was she worth seeing your son once a week, him crying for you before bedtime? Asking "Where's Daddy, mama," everyday until he finally realizes, Daddy is gone until his "weekend." I hate you at times but I know that GOD put you hear to teach me something and that is to be careful who you put your trust in to. Don't open your heart to just anyone, keep your secrets inside. You once were the only man in my life that could keep a smile on my face. It's gone. now i wake everyday for my loves, my children, my souls. I can thank you for our son and the heartache